I’m going to try something a little different here:I’m going to write a love letter to a movie. I’m not interested in pointing out any perceived flaws in the film, because I don’t want to take anything away from the viewing experience that is May. May-horror-movies-7486804-1024-768

Dear May,

Girl, I feel your pain. I, too, had a lazy eye as a young girl, but I was fortunate enough to have corrective surgery. You were subjected to wearing an eye patch and this identified you as different. Kids can be so cruel. Your mother, who clearly has some serious control issues, gifted you with a doll named Suzy. “If you cant’ find a  friend, make one.” is good ol’ mom’s advice.  Suzy looks pretty creepy to me, but you’re so excited to have a friend, that you’re able to see past this. You want to take her out of that glass case she’s trapped in, but Mom won’t allow it. No touching! Mom’s can be so controlling sometimes, am I right?

As an adult, you are working in a Veterinary hospital and this really suits your personality. You’re a bit awkward with people and you really enjoy the “grosser” side of life, so , sewing up an eviscerated black lab is tons of fun for you! I’m really impressed with your sewing skills. I wish I could make my own clothes.


May, the first time you see Adam is so sweet; you’re so captivated by him. One day, you watch him, and specifically his hands, while a Breeder’s song plays in the background. “Do you think of me, like I dream of you?” asks Kim Deal. I can’t speak for every girl my age, but I definitely know this feeling of pining for someone who’s so impossibly dreamy and they were definitely always walking in slow motion while this song played. Oh May, it’s so obvious that Polly, the adorable receptionist who works with you, has a huge crush on you. If only you could see her the way that she sees you. It might have saved you some pain, but you only have eyes for Adam. I understand.

You act a bit like a stalker with the whole standing outside his door for two hours thing, but you do manage to get your dinner and movie date with him. I love that you serve Gatorade in wine glasses. So very chic.  Adam is so sweet that he shares the movie that he has made with you. Well, this movie is just the bee’s knees! A black and white short about a couple who go on a picnic and, literally, consume one another. You’re so pleased with this, that the more gruesome the movie gets, the closer you get to Adam. However, you do think that the girl being able to bite the man’s finger in one bite is a bit  far fetched. I totally agree.  Too bad Suzy didn’t teach you not to draw blood when kissing someone, because Adam is not down with this.

May & Adam

Rejected by Adam, you are easily seduced by Polly, but who wouldn’t be? Unfortunately, you didn’t realize that Polly is a real player , so , you’re taken aback when you realize she has another woman in her house when you go to see her. You’re such a gentle, precious little bird. So easily broken by all of this real and perceived rejection, you just break. I know you didn’t mean to kill your cat; that’s why you keep her and spray her with Lysol when she starts to stink. I understand.

It really is too bad that dude you picked up at the bus stop didn’t understand you. You thought he would want to be best friends with you after he found out your secret. You never dreamed he would start calling you names and act so hysterically. You had to put those scissors somewhere and he really needed to calm down. I understand.

Well, like any woman weaned on John Hughes movies, you develop your grand plan to show everyone that “they didn’t break you”. I just adore the montage of you sewing your show stopper dress together while you construct your plans to build your perfect best friend. It’s so very Andie from Pretty In Pink.  I understand, girl.  I understand. May

May, you’ve let me see so much of who you are and all of the things that make you who you are, that I’m so completely on board with you when you leave the house with your drink cooler and start collecting all of the perfect pieces for your perfect best friend. It’s so true what you said; “So many pretty parts, but no pretty wholes.”  After your masterpiece is finally put together, there is just something missing. Your friend can’t SEE you. Well, being the girl that you are, you donate one of your eyes to your new best friend because all you want is for someone to see you. To really see you. Haven’t we all felt this at one time or another? I couldn’t be more sympathetic to your situation. When your new friend finally touches you and sees you for who you are, my heart bursts with happiness for you. May, thank you so much for sharing all of the millions of complex emotional ups and downs that come with being someone who is just a little bit different. Growing up as an “odd duck” myself, I found it so easy to identify with you and all of your glorious peculiarities. Scalpels can be very relaxing, and the idea of a dog’s guts all over the yard can be really intoxicating at times and there really is something about a strong pair of hands.  Some people have beautiful necks, while others have gorgeous gams and sometimes it’s just so hard to take in all of the beauty the world has to offer us. I don’t agree with your final choices,  but I understand.

may 2

“May” Starring Angela Bettis, Jeremy Sisto and Anna Faris. Written and Directed by Lucky McKee. May is available to rent on Amazon.