Well it has been too long my lovingly ghoulunatics. I’ve had a slight case of problems here and setbacks there but now I’m back and shopping for a bunch of crap that no one needs but everyone has to have. So sit up in your caskets and pay attention as I speak of the history to some of the most screwed up horror collectibles that the internet has to offer.
At the request of my lawyers I have to say again, (sigh)…that neither I nor Horror Writers are making a damn dime off of any of the listings and we are not affiliated with eBay or any of the sellers that are mentioned in the article. There, happy now?
Epoch Handheld Electronic Dracula Game 1982
Before we had first person shooter games, before you could play online with your friends, we had games were the player appeared onscreen as a blinking dot! Eat your heart out, Call of Duty! In 1982 Epoch (long since out of business…I can’t imagine why) released a series of handheld games to compete with Atari who at the time only offered home gaming systems. Basically you play a (blinking stick figure) treasure hunter trying to brave a maze of coffins to steal Dracula’s gold. Fixed on a LCD screen you will be chased around the maze (much like Pac Man) by a green dinosaur that supposed to be a werewolf (what do you mean? It looks just like it!) red bats (much like Pac Man) without being captured. I’ve searched around and found that it retailed in the lower $40 range in 1982. I calculated the price on an online inflation calculator and it basically puts the retail price at around $103 today. Overall the game was lame, but the collectability on this bad boy is high! I wouldn’t pay more than $30 for a working version, and I’d use a nonworking version as a paperweight.
Groovie Goolies Coloring Book
The Groovie Goolies (not to be confused with the Sacramento punk band, Groovy Ghoulies) was a Saturday morning cartoon that ran for 16 episodes starting in 1970. Now I’m not that freaking old but I do remember the Groovie Goolies on reruns. The cast consisted of a farce of the usual horror icons (Drac, Wolfie,Bella La Ghostly, Boneapart) and their horrific wacky adventures between their musical performances (think Josie and the Pussycats only portrayed by cartoonish monsters). They even had a laugh track built into the cartoon which in all fairness was a staple back then. Packed with the expected monster jokes and morbid puns children could wake up, eat a bowl or two of Count Chocula cereal and watch the Groovie Goolies every Saturday morning. That sounds like a great day to me! If this doesn’t take you back I mean, who cannot watch three dancing and singing tombstones?
A nonused coloring book like this can go for whatever your heart desires it to go for.
Milton the Monster Board Game 1966
Unlike the real Frankenstein, this loveable monster was created from oil of this and tincture of that, rather than body parts. Leave it to Hanna Barbara to fuck shit up for kids. Anyway, Milton was a badass. He was created in a haunted house on Horror Hill and together with Heebie and Jeebie (talking skull that sounded like Peter Lorre with a sinus infection, and a Cyclops with a serious need for Invisalign) Milton would carry on daily activities that kids could relate to such as going to school, swimming, and even making new friends with the likes of Zelda and Abercrombie the Zombie. Now for the game. The point? Spin and move to be the first monster to the finish (games were not as sophisticated in the 60’s). If this sounds familiar, it was. Think Candy Land, Life, Chutes and Ladders, etc. You have to love vintage monsters parodies where the monsters were loveable and not dangerous. Why didn’t someone make a television show like that?
A game in good condition with all the pieces can go for $40-50.
Vintage Godzilla Toy by Shogun Warriors licensed TOHO 1977
Oh no! There goes Tokyo, go go Godzilla! Sorry but I had to. If you didn’t catch that, Google “Blue Oyster Cult, Godzilla”. While you are there, look up “More Cowbell”. That is some great stuff! Anyway, for clarification, TOHO owned the license for all Godzilla characters, however it was Shogun Warriors (a division of Mattel) that made this particular toy in the late 1970s. This toy featured rollers on the bottom of the feet, a rolled out tongue with flames printed on it (cheesy now but cool then), and his right hand could shoot out. I don’t understand the shooting hand thing because I’ve seen many a Godzilla monster movie and don’t ever remember the Lizard King losing a hand on purpose in a fight but I know this was a staple of Shogun Warrior toys and for that, they had to answer to a lot of parent safety groups. (Parent consumer groups fucking shit up yet again.) Standing a whopping 18” tall, this toy is a hot item at conventions and online.
This item will go for over $100 easily. I would cap out at about $150 unless it comes still packaged (yeah, good luck finding that!).
Vintage BEETLEJUICE Pop Up Snake Halloween Mask By Kenner NIB
Okay, we’re going to add a new section this week. It will be called “What the fuck is this shit?” I mean, I know what it is but, what the fuck is this shit? I’ll tell you what it is. Marketing gone too far! Beetlejuice looks like a drag queen corpse in the middle of a private moment. Typically I have the power to speak on this but I’m not going to because I don’t want to enable dipshits. So I’m going to leave you with this…
Don’t fucking buy stupid shit like this! And if you do, don’t admit it to anyone!
Coffin Nails, +100 years old
Coffin nails have always served a purpose in Voodoo, Wiccan, and other “pagan” religious ceremonies. It is not certain if they have to be used or not. Also, keep in mind when buying that the same finishing nail that was used in building coffins, was also used in furniture and crates. But you should be aware of what an actual “coffin” nail looks like so you won’t be fooled by charlatans. Remember that you are dealing with antiquated times here. Notice that the head of these nails is flat and rectangular as well as the shank (the long part) as opposed to the rounded head and shank of today. The rounded head did not come about until roughly the 1900s. Now that is not to say that you cannot replicate by means of a cast, a rectangular nail, but these are easily identified by looking at the shank. It will have a rough textured surface from the mold and a real nail will have a dimpled, almost pitted surface. Remember, rust can be faked as well. Old rust doesn’t come off as easily on your hands as well as new rust does. Trust a grave robber on this one.
There is no actual value to these no more than finding a regular nail on the street. Unless it is in your tire, then it is worth a “Goth d#*! Sonovab!#@* Muthaf(@*$ker!” Say it loud, say it proud!
Well that is the final nail in the coffin for me. I’m going to have to sell some crap, to make room for more crap, so that I have crap for my maid to break, and I can yell “CRAP” at the top of my lungs.
Stop over and read some of the other features in Horror-Writers.net, read my past postings and stories, and be sure to see Dusty’s TV and movie trailer reviews. Be sure to check out our new Coconspirator, Christian Maynard, and his movie reviews.
Until next time, keep on rottin’ in the free world!
Renfield Rasputin has seen the entire Mereana Mordegard Glesgorv video and could only think one thing… “Vote for Pedro”. (Look it up)